If you missed the first part, it can be found here. These are companion articles which I hope are helpful to you as holding on to anger is highly inflammatory. This can lead to health concerns, stress, and generally impacts how you feel about yourself.
Your ability to live with patience and allowing is a gift to yourself, to others, and the world. Yet it can be easy to let others and the world drag you down or make you feel agitated.
Remember, you are in charge of you. We always have choices in how we react or respond. Like we visited in depth in Part 1 - it’s your choice to react with anger; someone else did not make you angry.
Even as you embrace this path – anger can still present. So what can you do? Let’s walk through some practical tips that will help you address that anger and discover its root cause.
You find anger or one its many faces (impatience, frustration, irritation, intolerance, etc) bubbling, what can you do? Try these steps for managing it. Why managing? Because first you have to put out the emotional fire before you are able to properly address the reason it appeared.
1. Breathe it out. The best tip when you feel anger rising is to immediately stop and breathe it out. If that’s not your style trying dancing, singing, running, or exercising it out. By these physical activities you are replacing the fire of anger with joy. It creates a space where you can do an inner inquiry of ‘what was that about’? Why did you react that way? Working on addressing it quickly means the anger has less room to take root and fester. The key is to release it when you feel it rising. Nip anger in the bud and then do your inquiry to process and release it.
2. Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments or even hours or days if need be, to collect your thoughts before speaking — and allow others involved to do the same. Allow time to process the situation and look at it from all perspectives. Once completed, you’ll be able to express yourself in a confident, but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, and use ‘I’ statements to avoid criticizing or placing blame. Be respectful and specific in your dialogue. For example, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework," creates a more productive conversation.
3. Identify possible solutions. Instead of focusing on what made or seems to make you mad, identify possible solutions. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening. Sometimes there are easy fixes they just don’t fit our narrow view of ‘right’. Letting go of wanting it to be strictly your way for healthy compromise takes away anger’s footholds. Don’t let your ego and your desire to be ‘right’ stand in the way of a positive relationships.
4. Don't hold a grudge – forgive. Forgiveness is powerful. Communicating forgiveness and seeking to make amends strengthens relationships. As you each feel heard and acknowledged you can learn how to better communicate moving forward. For past relationships, you can still forgive them in your heart and forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a potent transformer, even if you aren’t in contact with the other individual.
5. Use humor to release tension. Including, laughing at yourself!
6. Practice/use relaxation techniques. Meditation, soothing music, being in nature, walking, talking to a friend, or whatever works for you to dissipate anger’s pull.
7. Seek professional help. If your anger feels out of control, causes you to do things you regret, or hurts those around you please seek professional help. Anger can be an expression of something much deeper. Don’t let anger be the driving force of your life and choices.
It is important to manage anger but don’t stop there! All anger stems from a belief and/or habit that developed in your formative years and continues to repeat. The longer it repeats, the more entrenched it becomes until it just feels like a part of you. Discover the cause of your anger and transform it. Anger is a common theme in many of my private sessions with clients and it can appear in surprising ways.
One can manage anger all day long, but that doesn’t prevent it from returning. When we find anger’s roots within us we can understand why it is there and resolve it. This does more than manage anger – it minimizes it to near extinction.
Without anger, you are removing so much stress and negative stimuli from your life. It allows your body to be healthier, your immune system stronger, and personal and spiritual growth to occur. One of the greatest benefits is the profound peace you can embody and share with world.
I hope my two articles on anger are helpful. If you or someone you know need additional support transforming their anger – I have helped many through the process. I always offer an initial free phone consultation if you’d like to learn more.
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