When you listen to someone – really listen, it helps to boost their self-esteem. It communicates how you understand and care about them. Listening is the number one thing that you can do to enhance your relationships. Sometimes, just being heard can be healing – and what a lovely thing to be a part of!
Sadly, many believe they have no one who will listen to them. Even sadder, is how often it is true. Have you been in situations where you felt like you weren’t heard? How many times have you felt like you aren’t being heard within your home, your job, or your community? Does this leave you feeling ignored and overlooked – lacking a connection with those closest to you? Now, be fully honest: How often have you been too busy to sit down and really listen to those you love?
In working with many clients over the years, I have found that working through low self-esteem, nearly always has a connection to feeling ignored or not being fully heard. Usually it stems from childhood where they felt like they were not heard – a feeling that continued into adulthood, repeating in their relationships. Low self-esteem is a universal issue that most of us have in some shape or form. Listening to your family, friends, and colleagues could help change that pattern for many.
In order to be the change around us, let’s give the powerful gift of listening, especially to those we love the most. It doesn’t cost money or even require an outrageous amount of time – just the ability to step outside ourselves for someone else. It’s about putting your routine and thoughts on the back burner for a few minutes, so you can totally focus on another.
What do most of us need, especially when we face stress and problems? Someone who will listen to us.
Let this be your call to be an active listener. Use love and compassion to show others that they are important and heard. It will be especially appreciated by those in your life when they are troubled. Listening doesn’t mean you are responsible for solving someone’s problems or even giving advice – you just have to be a listening ear. Being an active listener means that the other person feels heard – not that you are trying to fix everything.
Want to grow your ability as an effective active listener? Utilizes these tips in your communications.
1. Make eye contact. Nonverbal cues like body language and facial expressions play a big role in communication. Removing distractions and looking at who you are communicating with, expresses that they have your full attention. We’ve all been guilty of listening to someone while scrolling our phone or watching something - and although we might hear what is being said, that person will not feel heard. It is important to give active signals that you are really listening, and that you care about what is being said. So really look at each other, take in their nonverbal cues and give a few back, like nodding your head, so they feel validated.
2. It is ok to be silent. When someone pauses, you don’t have to jump in to fill the gap. Even if you feel a response is needed, it is ok to allow a few moments to gather your thoughts. This communicates that you are really considering what was said, and aren’t rushing to respond. It even will help your response be better received.
3. Ask questions. When you ask questions it can undo assumptions and help others fully express what they are feeling. It’s okay to ask for clarification – it is a way to share that you want to understand. You may even be surprised what you learn about those closest to you, and what they are feeling. It helps others feel valued, because you took the time to ask and listen.
4. Repeat back what has been said. In the space of a conversation, rephrasing a concern or repeating back the core issue does two really powerful things. First, it sends the message that you are listening. And second, it ensures that you got the message and gives the speaker a chance to consider if they have expressed what they are feeling. This can take practice to utilize, but examples are: “What I hear you saying is…” “So I understand that the problem is…”
Every conversation may be a bit different – but these tips will help anyone feel heard. We all have the desire to know we are cared about. And when you actively listen to someone, you help to enhance their self-esteem. When we listen to someone’s problems, we are offering a hand through pent up feelings, difficulties in making a decision, and often more.
When you become an active listener – you’ll find others will step up and be an active listener for you. As you give freely, that love and compassion will come back to you. Make it a priority to build the cycle of good listening within your circle of family and friends.
Give the gift of caring and compassion by really listening to others. It is one of the best gifts that you can give!
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